Oh wow, Jan, talk about tragedy and bad news converging all at once. Yes, how little control we really have, as much as we try. I am so sorry for the loss of your sister, for the way that dementia haunts the family as it does so many families and caregivers. This line especially moved me: "The nights, not so much. I lay awake in the wee hours, trying not to listen to the yammering voices in my head while I sampled the strange air of a world that no longer contained my sister." Strange air. I know that air, when I think of my mother, so recently lost to dementia. I will look out for Part 2, hoping there is som ease and a touch of happiness amid all this sorrow.
Your empathy and kind words mean a lot, Amy. And yes, there is a great deal of happiness amid the sorrow, and if this experience teaches me anything, it's not to miss any of the joy :-)
Oh, Jan. This is epic. Thank you for sharing Part One of your heart-wrenching journey.
This feeling you describe is all too familiar while maneuvering the motions of grief & gratitude, "my emotional state resembled saltwater taffy being stretched in all directions by those old-timey machines you still sometimes see at boardwalks and carnivals." -
I worked for many years as a project manager, everything revolved around meticulous planning. After the loss of my dad, then 3 close friends almost immediately after, my planning-brain went into overdrive and all I could focus on was their afterlife plans.
This when I also learned Life Defies Planning... I needed to stop, I needed to breathe, and feel what was happening. I needed to grieve.
So much for your heart to endure in such a short time. I'm hopeful for Part Two of your journey ❤️ Take Care.
There is a reason for the word that starts with cluster and ends with a ck. I've had a similar round of "it can't be happening all at once." Hope it all turns out as well as it can, the transfer to memory care goes well, and the dog is OK.
Thanks to TCinLA for cluing me into your Substack.
I'm flat-out flattered to be recommended by TCinLA -- and thank you for reading and commenting. Yep, it's been the longest-running-and-then-happening-all-at-once cluster**** I've experienced. Maybe that's life. But the dog is OK for now, and fingers crossed for the memory care thing, in which I won't be directly involved (and I can't say I'm entirely sorry about that).
When the worst of mine was happening—looking for a new job, interrupted by a diagnosis of metastatic cancer in my lungs, going through a divorce, both my kids in clinical depression—all within a month or two—a friend asked me if I’d really rather have it all be happening sequentially, on and on and on. I found comfort in the idea that whatever happened, it would at least be OVER relatively quickly.
It wasn’t cancer, I’ve been way happier divorced than I ever was married, I got a job I happily stayed in till retirement, and the kids were all right. As my friend said—it could have spread out over years. one damn thing after another. As it was, the crisis passed within a year and I’ve been chugging along with some blips—my mom died a couple of years later—but overall doing OK for the past almost 40 years.
“I lay awake in the wee hours, trying not to listen to the yammering voices in my head while I sampled the strange air of a world that no longer contained my sister.” This line is so poignant, it resonates with me deeply.
Wow Jan first your sister dies unexpectedly then your Dog gets sick, SMH life sure does have a way of way of showing us surprises, can’t wait for part 2
Oh wow, Jan, talk about tragedy and bad news converging all at once. Yes, how little control we really have, as much as we try. I am so sorry for the loss of your sister, for the way that dementia haunts the family as it does so many families and caregivers. This line especially moved me: "The nights, not so much. I lay awake in the wee hours, trying not to listen to the yammering voices in my head while I sampled the strange air of a world that no longer contained my sister." Strange air. I know that air, when I think of my mother, so recently lost to dementia. I will look out for Part 2, hoping there is som ease and a touch of happiness amid all this sorrow.
Your empathy and kind words mean a lot, Amy. And yes, there is a great deal of happiness amid the sorrow, and if this experience teaches me anything, it's not to miss any of the joy :-)
Oh, Jan. This is epic. Thank you for sharing Part One of your heart-wrenching journey.
This feeling you describe is all too familiar while maneuvering the motions of grief & gratitude, "my emotional state resembled saltwater taffy being stretched in all directions by those old-timey machines you still sometimes see at boardwalks and carnivals." -
I worked for many years as a project manager, everything revolved around meticulous planning. After the loss of my dad, then 3 close friends almost immediately after, my planning-brain went into overdrive and all I could focus on was their afterlife plans.
This when I also learned Life Defies Planning... I needed to stop, I needed to breathe, and feel what was happening. I needed to grieve.
So much for your heart to endure in such a short time. I'm hopeful for Part Two of your journey ❤️ Take Care.
Life is a pretty brutal teacher sometimes, isn't it? Thank you for your oh-so-thoughtful comment and for sharing your own experience!
There is a reason for the word that starts with cluster and ends with a ck. I've had a similar round of "it can't be happening all at once." Hope it all turns out as well as it can, the transfer to memory care goes well, and the dog is OK.
Thanks to TCinLA for cluing me into your Substack.
I'm flat-out flattered to be recommended by TCinLA -- and thank you for reading and commenting. Yep, it's been the longest-running-and-then-happening-all-at-once cluster**** I've experienced. Maybe that's life. But the dog is OK for now, and fingers crossed for the memory care thing, in which I won't be directly involved (and I can't say I'm entirely sorry about that).
When the worst of mine was happening—looking for a new job, interrupted by a diagnosis of metastatic cancer in my lungs, going through a divorce, both my kids in clinical depression—all within a month or two—a friend asked me if I’d really rather have it all be happening sequentially, on and on and on. I found comfort in the idea that whatever happened, it would at least be OVER relatively quickly.
It wasn’t cancer, I’ve been way happier divorced than I ever was married, I got a job I happily stayed in till retirement, and the kids were all right. As my friend said—it could have spread out over years. one damn thing after another. As it was, the crisis passed within a year and I’ve been chugging along with some blips—my mom died a couple of years later—but overall doing OK for the past almost 40 years.
Great perspective, and I'm very glad you've got all of those character-building (!) experiences in your rearview mirror now!
I remember your stories from Melissa’s class. Too many heartbreaks and this is only Part 1. Hope you’re taking care of YOU. ❤️
Thank you, Trish -- and yes I am. Writing is one way!
“I lay awake in the wee hours, trying not to listen to the yammering voices in my head while I sampled the strange air of a world that no longer contained my sister.” This line is so poignant, it resonates with me deeply.
Thank you, Sherry.
Wow Jan first your sister dies unexpectedly then your Dog gets sick, SMH life sure does have a way of way of showing us surprises, can’t wait for part 2